The Time of My Life, take 19

You told me to save you a seat and I did and oh I got dirty looks from some of the other women and I couldn’t look anybody else in the room in the eye and it was such a relief when you finally walked in and every eye was on you you owned the room you made us all breathe and when you laughed it was like no music I’d ever heard and I was so proud when I was the one to make it happen even at my expense but I laughed at you too like when you couldn’t figure out how to clip the moustache to your straw and you ended up breaking the straw and dropping the moustache in your Coca-Cola (“Diet WHAT? Diet WHO?”) and Michelle gave you a bacon-flavored mint to try and you made such a face when you put it on your tongue then you spit it out on the table right in front of me and the woman seated across from me used her mother’s silverware to push it onto the floor then the sweet potato fries came and I don’t know which one of us ate more of them faster but we finished them together and you ate the rest of the apple butter with your fingers and I couldn’t help but think that I knew where you got your lovehandles and then you stuck all the straws together and 

 then we started spitting spitballs at Sheryl and Bobby and your dad and each other and then it was ice cubes and you had a spitball stuck in your hair and when I pulled it out your hair had something greasy in it like Brill Cream and I wondered if that’s what you used then you started singing Lonesome Cowboy and without even trying you sounded just like Elvis and didn’t even seem to know it and I got goosebumps which I tried to hide from you which was hard ‘cause I swear our arms were touching the entire night and yours was so warm and we’d both taken our shoes off under the table and a couple times your toes touched mine and mine touched yours and it was like the deadliest electric shock that was just like drinking pop too fast and having bubbles build up in your stomach and also like eating your favorite kind of ice cream but it doesn’t make you cold and we got to talking about how Elvis died and you said you’d read all this stuff about the people who didn’t believe he was dead and I remember thinking oh crap this kid could easily beat me at Elvis trivia after all and I thought too that I’d never talked about Elvis with anyone who understood how I felt before I talked about him with you and

you saw the picture of Carmel on my phone and I told you we’d put him down and your eyes like chocolate heaven got so sad and your chin actually trembled and my heart swelled til I thought it’d burst because you were sad simply because I was sad and I loved you for it then you told a story about getting caught with your girlfriend in your car by your dad and gave way too many details ("all you could see were his two feet in the window") and you were laughing so much and talking about the steamed up windows and I knew I was blushing ridiculously red and prayed you wouldn’t notice and wouldn’t know why and you took ibuprofen thinking it was a mint or something and you chewed it and the face you made made everyone laugh and you drank my diet Coke to wash it down and then the food came and the waitress looked at the mess we’d made and looked like she was gonna cry but you made her smile because you could make a lost soul the Devil or anyone smile like you’ve made me smile just sitting backwards in your chair talking about Elvis like he was an old friend you knew everything about and

then everyone was starting to leave and I was scared I guess scared because I didn’t wanna leave and face the world again out there I didn’t want to drive home at 2 in the morning I didn’t want the insurmountable joy I felt all over to end I didn’t want to stop feeling your arm pushed up against mine and I didn’t want to stop staring into your eyes while you talked about Love Me Tender and I had no idea what you were saying and you caught me at it because yours are eyes I could study forever and never see everything in them and I didn’t want to realize that I wasn’t the girl in your life that I only could pretend I was for a couple hours then you were driving back home to her and I was driving back home to my parents and my cat and I couldn’t go with you and go on pretending that your family was mine and your father said he loved me “so much”  and he hugged me then I hugged you then both of you hugged me at the same time then I hugged you again and held on just a little too long and you kissed my ear and

I could feel the tears burning so I walked too fast through the dining room deciding that the other people there could probably tell I was about to cry and not really caring I almost ran out to the parking lot and actually made it into my car after waving goodnight to Adam before the tears came hard and fast and wet and salty and uncontrollable and I sat sideways in the driver’s seat and watched the door until you came out and I watched you walk and my windows were down so I heard you faintly laugh and I watched and watched you until you walked around the corner and then your dad was gone too and it was really over and I had to go home and

Then I remembered that moment when I went up to the stage for a scarf (“I guess I will, I might as well”) tripping over the crazy selfish cougars and the ones who brought their handicapped children just to get your attention because you’re too nice to say no because you love the children and not the parents and I waited by the stage hoping you’d see me and you did and you knelt and said right into the mike with happy surprise in your voice

“THERE you are!”